


Lucus Miller, Horny for Danger

by dunkle_enby



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 22:18:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18903754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dunkle_enby/pseuds/dunkle_enby
Summary: Hey! This is not porn.Basically, this is going to cover a throwaway idea I had about Lucas deciding to sneak around The Boys and try and make Hodgepodge anyways after their warning.





	Lucus Miller, Horny for Danger

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I've never posted on here before and have no idea how this story will go, so warning that it might change at any given moment.
> 
> Also WIP

Lucas knew he didn't have the best track record, what with crystalling a kingdom and all, but the boys just dropping by to say they'd kill him was unusual of them. Sure, he had also trapped them in a deadly simulation, and probably more that the narrative voice can't recall at the moment, but straight up murdercide? Unusual. 

But hey, Lucas Miller isn't a fool, he understands the logic of recursive timelines, and he also understands loopholes. Lucas thanked the gods that Magnus, Taako, and Merle weren't the sharpest tools in the fantasy self; with their threat Lucas had agreed to not make Hodgepodge v2.0, but! He was told nothing of the such about going further. 

Hodgepodge v2.1

Lucas quivered at the thought. Sure Hodgepodge v1 was great for trivia, but the complaints he had received for the incorrect answers at higher levels had been bummers, but Lucas knew he could go further. 

In a quick move, Lucas swiped his desk clean, cringing after the fact from the loud crash he had caused. He diverted his attention to the pile, examining it to see if everything was alright. 

"Shit," he muttered under his breath. In his hasty attempt to try and emulate his favorite fantasy manga scientists he had torn his favorite desk belonging. A palm sized stress ball resembling an ooze. Angus had gifted it to him as an attempt at bonding. After Taako had made it official that everyone who worked for the Burreu was the kid's dad, Angus had took it upon himself to try and start a bond with each of his new parents. 

"Yooooohoooo, nerdboy. I can totally sense people thinking about me," a high pitched a voice said, coming back into the room, "Also I heard a loud dramatic crash and wanted to remind you I'm the only one allowed dramatic fantasy animesque actions, it was in everyone's renewal contracts."

'Gods, why did we ever put him on the rules committee,' Lucas thought to himself as the elf carried on. 

Taako's normally aloof gaze suddenly tightening is what brought Lucas back to focus, preventing him from going on with his own internal monologue. 

"Heyyyyy muchacho, whatcha got behind your back there," Taako asked, trying to will his elven gaze to see all, as he had heard about elves being able to do. He still wasn't sure about all the differences between his elf comrades in the original dimension versus the not so Forgotten Realm that they were in.

After a small game of cat and mouse spinning around Taako stood in front of Lucas, thrilled to be the cat for once, but still curious what the scientist had behind his back. Lucus, on the other hand, had no idea why he was so persistent about hiding the ooze plushie. The worst that could happen would be some riffs on him for having a little stuffie, which he knew from surveillance that Taako slept with a stuffed raven when Kravitz was away, so he could challenge the wizard with that knowledge if he went too hard on him. 

Taako, already losing interest in this game, held a palm sized round stone up to his face. 

"Uhhhh yeah homies can you come here. I think we have to kill Lucas already."

~seinfeld jazz sound scene change~

Tres Horny Boys left Lucus' lab in a hurry, eagerly wanting to get on with their day after saving the world again like a show on its 15th season. Magnus was the first to speak. 

"I'm glad that's over," he said, Taako and Merle mummering in agreement, "It's kinda wild how more and more things keeps happening. It's almost like our lives aren't our own and our existence are dependant on others using us as entertainment. If I didn't know how I die it would be almost concerning."

The Duo Horny Boys stopped in their tracks to stare at their bushily sideburns friend.  
"You know how you die," Merle asked confused, and Taako just looked on fuming.

"Yeah‽ Don't you remember the jump cut," Magnus responded, about to add on to remind the forgetful beach dwarf of what happened, but Taako cut him off.

"Oh for FUCKs sake what's the point of having a rule committee if no one is going to follow my decrees," Taako shouted, quickly followed by the sound of crashing behind him that we're already familiar with, and conveniently blocking out any sound of the rules Taako was reminding them off, so that if someone had possible managed to listen in, they would be at a loss for what Taako's rules were. 

~reverse seinfeld transition sound~

In seemingly no time the rest of the horny boys made it back to Lucas' lab. Taako and Lucas stared as Magnus rushed in with Merle under his arm. 

"Wh-" Lucas started, before being interrupted by Merle.

"I have arthritis you young fry. Haven't you ever seen a dwarf carried by his really buff human buddy of a 100 years?" 

Taako cut in, mentally seething at the fact he hadn't got to join in with any witty banter, as he was concerned with the potential repeat of a robotic end for this dimension, or timeline, he wasn't too clear on the specifics himself, "So anywho, our boy Lucus is hiding something behind his back and acting incredibly shady.

Merle was the first to respond, ever quick on his action reflexes," Ahh I know a way to get 'em talking."

In the brief second everyone had before he could finish muttering Zone of Truth they all groaned. In an instance, a familiar wave of divine energy washed over them. Magnus moved his hand to the scorpion hilt of the Raging Flaming Poisoning Sword of Doom, "So Miller," Magnus said, a sudden serious look in his eyes,"Are you planning to build Hodgepodge v2.0 despite us asking nicely for you not to?"

Despite not being very charming, Lucas felt pretty confident that his luck had rolled the best it could on his ability to save against the spell, "Magnus," he said, bringing his arms to his chest, posturing like he was part of one of his fantasy mangas, "I can honestly say I have no plans of making Hodgepodge v2.0."

In his brief moment of dramatic plot setting dialogue, Lucas forgot he had the ooze stuffie still in his hands when he moved them to his front. It took a second, but the metaphorical exclamation mark appeared above all their heads, which was followed by Tres Horny Boys laughing. 

"Hahahahomg, I can't believe Miller and I both care about stuffies," Taako said, instantly feeling everyone's eyes on him as the realization that even with all his charisma, Istus had gave him a flat line in the luck department. "Uhh, I mean Kravitz gave me a stuffed raven to cuddle with when he's off at work for a long time because he knows I miss him a lot," Taako continued, deciding that now was the best choice to run from the room so he didn't risk revealing any more sensitive information, such as him actually having feelings. 

Magnus' keen carpenter eyes saw the small rip in Lucas' stuffed ooze, and quickly pulled it from his grasp saying,"Gimme a sec I can fix this," before turning away and almost comically fast turning back to present the fixed ooze. In his spare time Magnus had taken up sewing, figuring it to be just the carpentry of clothing. 

He had also been using his rowdy side to stealthily fix anything that could be sewed and adding disturbingly realistic depictions of monster genitalia on to everything.

Lucas looked at the ooze and admired the handiwork. It was immaculate stitching, but the oozey penis wasn't something he wanted on his gift from his new son. He looked up to express his complaint to Magnus, only to find him gone, and Merle being the only remnant of the interrogation party. They locked gazes, Lucas trying to my seem like he was staring at the patch, and Merle looking dead on at him, seemingly lost in thought. It wasn't a second later that he spoke up. 

"I wonder if those wings are ready in Phandalin."

After Merle slowly hobbled out of the lab Lucus let out a sigh and turned back to his planning table. With new inspiration for defiance coming from the ooze dick, Lucas began work on his newest masterpiece, eager to get a new chapter of his life started.


End file.
